I have classes of up to 22 students. Most classes are 12-15 students. About half can’t speak English. Worse yet, I was told to NOT let them know I speak French so that they’d be forced to speak English. Well, after about 4 weeks of speaking like a drunk robot (you know, slurring and mechanically unnatural – or worse yet pronouncing words like a French person) I finally gave up and started speaking in French to help them understand when they were lost. Not only did this help my rapport with them, but it made them more comfortable to make blunders in English since I did it all the time in French. However, while for some it worked, I do still have groups that are just awful to work with. There are actually some that I’ve considered meeting with the principal about to ask if I can not teach them anymore. The way I see it is that most (about 9 out of 12) classes really enjoy their time with me, learn from the classes I give, participate to their relative ability, and look forward to seeing me. The other 3 classes scowl at me and talk the whole time. When called on they stare at me and speak French. I tried playing games with them to warm up to them and show that I’m not “bad teacher,” but they got so bad I had to become bad teacher (and because the teacher next door complained about their noise making).  So I’ve began taking carnets* when necessary, but I don’t actually know what to write in them so I always give them back at the end with a “next time I am writing in it!” warning.

(*a carnet is a sort of disciplinary booklet that students are required to carry around. It gets checked by the administration on a regular basis. Too many notes and you will be suspended or expelled.)

I guess I don’t really have any advice to give you, just thought I’d let you know you are not alone in your frustrations! Sometimes those 55 minutes are the most unbearable minutes of my life. I am not a confrontational person so reprimanding students has been hard. The other day two of my students started asking me what right I had to reprimand them when I wasn’t even a real teacher. You have no idea I mad I got! And for what reason did the confrontation happen? They were watching Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech with French subtitles and put their heads on their desks. When I told them they HAD to watch it they said “but I’m not interested.” I’m not interested? You’ve got to be kidding me! It felt borderline racist.

Sorry to vent. Sometimes it’s just hard to believe people can raise such annoying and disrespectful children!

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This story is true. But I do have many classes that I absolutely adore, especially when I’m trying to get 15 year old girls to figure out if women receive equal treatment to men. Silly girls. If they don’t listen now, they’ll learn once they grow up.

That said, I do feel like it’s due time for a bit of an update, a few remarks, and some pointed tips for personal improvement (mine and others).

1. To the high school teachers of France – If you decide to go on strike and cancel your classes – which in turn means my classes – please inform me before I’ve taken the half hour bus ride to school.  And if that is not possible please – this is for you Mr. Secretary of the school – don’t tell me a teacher will be there for class when she wont be. I’m all for striking and political dissent, but I don’t like being at school for five hours when I could have been there for only one.  God created email and cell phones for a reason – use them!

2. I didn’t join couchsurfing.org as a dating service, so please stop writing me and asking me to come stay with you in Paris. I won’t.

3. Always keep one eye on the ground when walking. This is the only sure measure against unwittingly stepping in an enormous wet dog turd. Which leads me to 4…

4. Please pick your dog turds up after they have dispensed them. Really gross things happen when you don’t.

5. Please stop making everything so much cheaper for those who are 25 and under. Just because I’m aging doesn’t mean I’m rich. Adults are children too and deserve 50% off train fares. Besides, everyone tells me I look 20, shouldn’t that count for something? The new policy should be like that off the OLCC: everyone who looks 36 or younger gets carded, or in this case, the discount.

6. Perhaps rulers should be reinstated in classrooms as a form of discipline. I’m not one to promote child abuse, but I’m beginning to think some teenagers could use a good whack on the head here and there to set them straight.

7. White trash French people exist and they all shop at the same discount super market. More on this subject later…

8. Whoever told me (that would you Madame High School French Teacher) that French people don’t get drunk like Americans has never walked in the neighborhood of bars on an early Sunday morning and counted vomit splats.  No it’s not just pre, post, and current American fratority members that drink until they purge their dinner.

I recently taught my students about American politics. This included a simple 16 question quiz to determine their imaginary American political affiliation. Despite the fact it seems nearly all the students like Obama and haphazardly shout out “Yes we can!” during class, a whopping 20% are deep down McCain/Bush loving war mongers. I assume this is the part of the population that explains the near election of the neo fascist nationalist Le Pen as president in 2007.  Another 26% of students are what I have exacted as conservative democrats, though I think really they’re more like liberal republicans (I like ze guns, ze war, and ze marijuana! taxes? zey are too expeensif”).

Other findings follow.

1. Don’t assume 15 year olds are intelligent just because they’re French. Stupid people fill every nook and cranny of the earth, and that includes France. I just wasn’t prepared to have to explain to the kids why they don’t pay to see the doctor or to go to the hospital. I figured their 15 year old minds had figured out they lived in a socialist country where their taxes (or those of their parents) contribute to the collective good. Apparently I was wrong.

2. Not surprisingly most French teenagers are democrats. And for this I am grateful. Moreover, the older they get, the more liberal they become. I attribute this to their more highly developed mental facilities allowing them to reflect  intelligently when asked if the war in Iraq was a mistake.

3. A surprising number of French teenagers support the death penalty, which is illegal in France.

4. An even more surprising number think abortion should be illegal. (Can we say catholic?)

5. However, most agree that marijuana should be legal.  When asked why responses ranged from the infamous “Yes we can!” to “I like smoke ze marijuana” to “it make you fly.” After explaining that money spent jailing marijuana felons could be redirected to education, they seemed to like the idea because “maybe if Americans are smarter zey don’t smoke ze marijuana so much.” Touché.

6. Students are up in the air on being gay. Half think gay marriage should be legal, a quarter say civil unions are fine but not marriage, and a quarter say a lesbian is just a woman lost without a man and that gay men are unnatural. (These are some of the same kids who need to feel the corrective sting of my wooden – or maybe metal – ruler).

7. Studies find the generally more annoying and disobedient the student is the more likely he or she is to be a republican.  Once again rulers come into play here. Rulers = a good excuse to beat a republican.

And that is that. This is France.